I Need Dopamine to Make Money

It has been a while since I have been a nocturnal. By the time the clock hits 11 PM, I am usually too tired to even open my laptop. These past two days have been different. I caught cold which has altered the way I sleep. So, as result I am up by 1 AM and active when everyone around me is fast asleep. Well, during this time, I had an epiphany about how I've spent an entire decade letting only dopamine decides my career & life.

For a long time too, I took as a sign which basically if I enjoy it, maybe that's what I was supposed to do. Up until university, I started to see the anomalies. I chose English Literature because I enjoyed reading and learning languages. But it wasn't as stimulating as things like Technology or engineering because I was more drawn to solving problems and figuring out how things worked.

When you only follow dopamine, you create an unstable life even when you love stability. Take me for example. By simply following whatever stimulate me, I ended up with debt, burnout from trying to monetize the things I loved, and a lot of unfinished potential. But hey, I paid the cost to come into this conclusion that I need a thing that makes me money and a thing that supplies my dopamine. I can not simply just have one without the other.

The thing is, when I started attaching obligation to something I enjoyed, I ended up disliking the process. Let me illustrate this with HIVE for instance. Would I still write if this wasn't paid? 100%.

I genuinely enjoy writing because it feels like discovery and untangling my mind. It is a way for me to tell my story or learning something new. I get dopamine hits just by that alone which enabled me to do other things. But once it gets too grindy, it feels like a quota I have to meet and it's easy for me to resent it. Then, I no longer get any dopamine from it, doesn't matter if it has monetary value/reward, I don't get dopamine from it. Strange isn't it? Or maybe it isn't.

The irony here is that I was able to make a living from something I enjoyed, ( all of my ventures are like that).

Here's how it gets interesting lately. I get paid from my consulting job but it doesn't give me any dopamine unless I was able to solve a complex case. Then, the longer I stayed, the more it zaps my dopamine. So at the time, to find source of dopamine, I started teaching.

I was even going farther by not charging anything from my course. I genuinely prefer teaching someone for free rather than teaching because they paid me. Since I would get obligated to do things and the dopamine hits from that is lowering.

Well, I have been able to thrive in that stressful environment ( the consulting job) because I was teaching on the side and writing on hive to supply me with dopamine other than caffeine which typically is always a quick fix. I get more dopamine from teaching and writing because it's way more rewarding than just caffeine.

From there, I've started to realize that I need both stimulation and stability. Dopamine gives me the momentum to kick off whatever I do to make money. I also do not need to find my Ikigai much contrary to modern advice. I tried though it just didn't work. So, I am content knowing that I just need to find a stable source of income, tolerable enough that makes me money so I can afford to do things that give me source of dopamine whether it's artificial like stimulant such as caffeine, shopping, a unique experience or traveling somewhere new. I can't mix the two or I would resent the process and it won't give me the dopamine I needed.

I am writing this because I notice that my dopamine level is lowering. I am starting to get bored a little stressed and needing a simple quick fix of dopamine hits. And when I hit a publish for this post, I may get about 30% of dopamine and I'll be content with that.