Yesterday, I had exactly $3 left to buy myself and my mom food, and my bank decided that was the perfect time to block my account because I entered the wrong password a couple of times. Another time, someone even asked me to borrow money as if I have money to spare. I think I need to spell it out to them, I am dead broke. I have debt that I don't even know how to pay despite having some questionable jobs.
I have downgraded my life to the point where I used to think about killing myself feels a lot cuter now. The life I have right now is even hell-ish and somehow despite it all, I keep my abundance mindset and thinking a lot less about dying. It's still there though, just an option Z for now.
Despite how bad I am struggling right now, I have this mindset, money comes to me easily, money is everywhere. If money is gone, tomorrow there will be money. Maybe money is even an illusion. What if there will be no money? well, that's interesting question. Maybe it's time to consider all options including the Z option.
Listen, I am tired. Even my other mom makes it challenging for me to earn money. I know making money is already challenging but I am dead tired. Like why would she even pay my $55 payment on installment. Like make it make sense? but I can't complain I guess. Everyone is struggling too. but I know damn well I can stretch that $55 in one go than having them on installment? That's just insane.
Then, this morning after going to the bank to fix my account and card, I decided to get a coffee and water. Somehow, I found out the water was about $1.7??????? like damn. I thought the water would be just a few cents. From my $13 I spent $1.7 on a fucking water and my coffee was like $1.4 something, that's even cheaper.
But when you manifest so hard and learn to cultivate abundance mindset, it doesn't bother me at all? It's interesting for sure that I throughout my life I rarely ask for a price. I just buy things regardless of the cost esp when I need them. It never registers to my decision making. Even when I have tight budget, I'd focus on functionality than price.
This is why despite money tight, I'd never skimp and skip on coffee because my brain runs on it. I tell my mom this, sure I can live without coffee or caffeine hitting my system but I will not be as near as productive as I am. Most I'd do is probably work about an hour, sleep and do some minor task. But when your job is all about speed, delivery and brain, I need it.
In a year I go on and off caffeine for weeks at a time but that typically aren't the days when I need to be work at a faster speed/rate. Maybe I am an addict. Though, like anything else I have tried, it's easy for me to quit and forget about it.
It's just that with coffee, I decided to keep that poison😂
Maybe in a world where there is no coffee, I'd be old enough not to need money / look for jobs to survive. I'd be ok living without coffee and won't care at all but that's not the reality I am in right now, so there is that.
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𝘊𝘦𝘮𝘺 (𝘰𝘳 𝘔𝘢𝘤) 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴? 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘨𝘦𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘏𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. |
