This weekend I took my 12 year old son Timmy to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.
Because she thought it would be too scary, my 10 year old daughter MJ had no interest in the movie. She made an excellent choice (although even if she had wanted to go, I would have said "no"). The movie would have been way too frightening for her.
*Even the poster was a little too creepy for my daughter.*
With all sequels, I like to put my review in perspective by giving my opinion of the previous installments.
The original Pirates of the Caribbean was released before I had children. My wife and I chose to see it in the theater. It wasn't my favorite movie, but we were entertained.
While we were trapped in the house with an infant, we rented the second installment. Although it was better than changing diapers and soothing a crying baby, we didn't love it.
By the time the third was released, my wife and I felt we needed to see it. We were wrong. No one needed to see that.
As a result, I never watched the fourth movie.
Somewhere along the way, the Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game was released. My son loved it. This lead to his watching the movies.
*These Lego games do a great job of incorporating humor.*
Because he is a kid and doesn't mind plot holes, over acting, and action sequences that test even the best imagination's ability to suspend disbelief, Timmy loves all the movies in the series.
Therefore, this father-son trip to the cinema had absolutely nothing to do with the actual movie for me. I had zero expectations for the movie to even be watchable. I just wanted to hang out with my son and hopefully watch him have a good time.
Mission accomplished!
*To a job well done. Cheers!*
Luckily for me, the movie was actually better than I had expected. It was definitely better than the third installment. I think I may have liked it as much as the first or second movie... because it was pretty much the exact same movie.
Johnny Depp overacts and portrays an absurd semi-drunk, semi-heat stroked, semi-insane, lecherous pirate. There is a young would-be pirate who must find and eventually help Captain Jack Sparrow. There is also a pretty (yet tough), young British woman with dark curly hair who is the love interest of the young man. The woman has something that will help the pirates find a supernatural treasure. The heroes are up against evil supernatural pirates as well as the British government. Captain Jack ends up in many situations that lead to slapstick physical humor and...
Wait!
This is literally the exact plot of the first movie. I know because it was just on TV last night and I had it on in the background.
Clearly this movie is aimed at kids. Not only do children not mind repetition, they crave it. (That is why they can read the same book, listen to the same song, or watch the same Happy Little Elves cartoon 1 million times). Therefore, my son loved it.
It seemed that the more absurd the action, the more he smiled. This of course lead me to smile as well.
Within the first 10 minutes, the writer and director make it abundantly clear that the audience will not be needing their brain for the next 2 hours. I obliged and let mine take a little vacation. After all, my brain deserves a break! I'm constantly asking it to do pesky things like think before I speak, solve problems, and come up with ways to get out of doing yard work.
Once it was established that at best the movie would be mindless fun, I actually enjoyed myself.
Although it is getting a bit old, Johnny Depp is still amusing as the Keith Richards/Pepe le Pew hybrid he channels to create Captain Jack.
The special effects are truly amazing. In addition to the ghost ship, the parting off an ocean, and battles involving partially formed pirates, there are some incredible effects involving undead sharks.
Even though it is utterly ridiculous and completely unrealistic, there is plenty of action. I don't think there is one 15 minute stretch in the entire movie where there is not some type of action or slapstick comedy.
*I wish I could add the Bennie Hill music... and make all the young people on here understand that reference.*
Like many people, I used to love The Three Stooges... then I grew up. Some people still haven't totally grown up and continue to enjoy this type of physical humor. I honestly think that is wonderful. There is nothing wrong with keeping a little bit of your inner child entertained. In fact, I whole-heartedly endorse it! If you enjoy slapstick physical comedy, there is plenty of it in this movie. I now know my son loves physical comedy because there was a point when I thought he might actually pee himself laughing (by the way, he didn't).
Seeing and hearing my son have such a good time was the real value of this movie. This movie was not written for me. It was written for him. The best I could hope for was that I wouldn't fall asleep or feel I had thrown away 2 hours. Neither of those happened. He enjoyed it enough for both of us.
Anything that ends with your son saying, "That was awesome! I think that was my favorite one!" can never be a waste of time.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/1/14/Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-On-Stranger-Tides-header.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120620215216
My son looked happier (and more sane) than this.
If you can completely turn off your brain and simply enjoy the humor, action, and visual effects in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales I think you will have a good time.
There are a few "Easter eggs" throughout the movie. Without spoiling anything, take a really close look at Jack's relative who he meets while in prison. Also, the last five minutes are great if you enjoyed the earlier movies. Finally, there is a pretty cool scene after the (incredibly long) credits.
Geeky Dad's Movie Guide (Please note, this is based on me 100% turning off my brain. There is no way I could have watched this movie without that essential step.)
Number of times I fell asleep: 0
Number of eye rolls: 0 (My brain was on vacation)
Number of face palms: 0 (My brain was still on vacation)
Number of times my kids asked to go to the bathroom or get food out of sheer boredom: 0
Number of times I checked steemit: 0
Number of times I said "That's ridiculous": The entire movie is ridiculous
Did my kids like it: 12 year old son: Yes!!!! (He said it is his new favorite of the series) 10 year old daughter: Incomplete (It was too violent and scary for her to see.)
Would I see it without my kids:No chance. My son's joy was the only reason I enjoyed the experience.
Full price/Matinee/Rental/Free/Not worth the time: Seeing my son have so much fun made it worth paying full price.
Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
The fast pace made the climax weak as compared to others. The action and fighting scenes were minimal and there wasn't much emotion for me to give as every scene is passing by quickly .
All the other aspects of the movie were wonderful actually. The cast, plot, lore, word building was terrific.
Johnny Depp is back as Sparrow, Geoffrey Rush is back as Barbossa as are some of the original crew, though I did wonder how they all seem to not age. Javier Bardem is the dead, vengeful Salazar and he seems to enjoy himself. I don’t know the names of the young actors who play Henry Turner and Carina Smyth.
-all photos via IMDb.com.